trueloveyehrite (trueloveyehrite) wrote,
trueloveyehrite
trueloveyehrite

  • Mood:

Sadly enough...

What good is a man who gives you everything you could ever dream of, except himself.

 

WTF

 

I dont understand.  I try to talk to smeone about it and they jump down my back...  GOD WHY CANT YOU FUCKING HEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

IM MISERABLE, I HATE MYSELF RIGHT NOW, IM DEPRESSED, IM BACK TO THE WAY I WAS BEFORE PATRICK WHEN I HAD MY FATHER DOWN MY FUCKING BACK!!!!!!!!!  DEAR GOD WHY DO YOU HATE ME?

 

LOST IN MY MIND

I DONT KNOW WHAT I FEEL

I HATE MYSELF

I HATE YOU

I HATE EVERYTHING

NOTHING EVER MAKES ME HAPPY.

I TRY TO BE HAPPY

AND THEN I FUCK IT UP.

WHEN IM MISERABLE

I TRY TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

AND NOTHING EVER GOES MY WAY

I FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE THAT I LOVED MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.

BUT IM MORE LONELY THAT ANYONE CAN EVER SEE

I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM

OBVIOUSLY ILL NEVER BE HAPPY

I SHOULD JUST RUN AWAY.

HOW CAN I EVER BE HAPPY WHEN I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPY IS??????

I THINK IM NOT HAPPY.

SO I TELL HIM HOW I FEEL

HE ISNT WILLING TO CHANGE

BUT I HAVE TO GIVE UP MY MIND TO BE WITH HIM

FOR HIM TO WORK THIRDS

ILL HAVE TO WORK THIRDS TO SEE HIM.

EVEN IF I DID WE WOULD RARELY SEE ONE ANOTHER

SO EITHER WAY IM FUCKED.

HE SAID HE WILL NEVER BE HAPPY ON FIRSTS OR SECONDS.

SO IF HE ISNT GOING TO BE HAPPY.

AND NEITHER WILL I

THEN WHATS THE POINT???

THERE IS NO FUCKING POINT.

OF ANYTHIJNG

WHY WOULD GOD GIVE ME SOMETHING I CANT EVEN HAVE?

HE MUST REALLY HATE ME

FINALLY SHOW ME WHAT I FEEL IVE BEEN MISSING.

LOVE

AND THEN TAKE IT AWAY

 

 

I READ THE THING YOU WROTE IN YOUR LIVE JOURNAL.

IS IT SO WRONG FOR ME TO LIKE THE DAY.

YOULL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY I HATE THE NIGHT.

WHY BE WITH SOMEONE YOU NEVER SEE.

WHY LOVE SOMEONE YOU CAN NEVER FEEL

WHY CRY FOR SOMEONE, WHOM YOU CANT HAVE

IF I WAS TO WORK THIRDS I WOULD KILL MYSELF

AND THATS NOT A JOKE.

DEPRESSION IS A SCARY THING.

LIFE IS JUST AS WELL.

BUT IF SOMETHING LIKE THIS CANT BE FIGURED OUT BY TWO PEOPLE WHOM APPEAR TO BE SMART... THEN HOW WILL WE EVER FIGURE OUT LIFE?

YOUR NOT WILLING TO CHANGE.

AND I CANT

SO I GUESS THAT ENDS THAT.

BUT LET ME JUST SAY ONE THING.

I HATE MYSELF.

I HATE EVERY FUCK9ING THING ABOUT ME.

BECAUSE OF ME WE CANT BE TOGETHER.

BECAUSE OF ME I WILL PROBABLY END UP LIKE MY MOTHER...

UNHAPPY AND ACTING LIKE SHE IS.

BECAUSE OF ME, ILL NEVER FIND LOVE AGAIN.

YOUR RIGHT PATRICK... I FUCKED THIS ONE UP TOO.

CONGRATS... YOUR ALWAYS RIGHT.

JOSEPH...  I ALWAYS ASKED YOU WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME... BECAUSE I NEVER KNEW WHAT I WANTED FROM MYSELF.

NOW IM CRAZY AND ALONE.

FUCK THIS.


  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic
  • 2 comments

Anonymous

January 13 2006, 04:18:23 UTC 11 years ago

alone... your never alone, even when you stand in a empty room with no lights not nothing you are not alone, God is alway there with you and shining the light of his grace on you.

as for me being there?
i guess its just something i cant do. why? i dont know
do i have a choice in when i work and what i do? yes
but is it a healty choice? no
i told you i would do anything for you and anything i will do.
but i can not stop working.
the bills would go left unpaid
i'd lose my car
we would go hungry.
where would we live?
i would rather see little of you then make you go hungry from not having the money to buy food.
maybe its the extreme macho man thing to do and im being anal about it
or its just the Real Man thing to do to provide for your love ones.
i dont know but, but i felt i was doing the right thing.
god forgive me for my pride.

p.s. im never right, im only logical, in which most cases is wrong

Anonymous

February 28 2006, 04:12:52 UTC 11 years ago

I love you. Thank you for all you do.