You know I wonder if my ex is right. I am horrible at relationships and that all I am going to do is ruin what I always have for relationships. You know, I know I am a very hurt little girl looking for someone to save me. But I know also that everything happens for a reason. But I am so tired, it makes me want to cry, I am always trying to hold on to what isnt real. Sadly I never know if how I feel is what the other person feels. So I ask if they love me only to find fustration. He always getting upset wondering why i must ask him all the time if he still loves me. Unfortunately, I dont know what love is. So I never know if what I feel is love, nevermind what they feel. You know. I loved my mother, But did she love me in return. I loved myt father and did he love me in return. The answers to these guestions are unknown. They loved me because they had to. I never had a little extra care, this little extra I find with the men I am with. Or the Man I am currently with. Maybe I am a lost cause. Maybe I will never find someone to put up with me. I try to change for every man im with, to make them happy. Finally I met a man, who makes me happy, anjd i try to change for him to make him happy, But maybe im not doing it right. I dont know anymore. I wish i could just crawl under a rock and die.
I took 1.25 from my boyfriend to do our laundry. And well I forgot to tell him i took it. he got upset, and he is still upset that I didnt tell him. I forgot. I took it to dry our laundry, that took most of my day to do. I was only trying to make him happy. .... You know. it is hard enough, me alwyas trying to make someone else happy irregardless of how i feel. nevermind getting yelled at even when i thought i was doing something right. I give up. Maybe I just need a man who will just make it point to.... do something different. I dont know. I dont know what i want anymore. Im miserable tonight. Horribly unhappy. i thought i was doing the right thing. and i didnt. I wasn't. Yeah Pat your right. I did fuck it up. and I dont even know what was so horrible.
I am not your ex. All I can be is me. Her mistakes shouldnt be taken out on me.
I love you. and i would never hurt you. so stop thinking im going to..
Maybe i ask if you love me all the time because im scared your going to use me and leave me. or just get tired of me. like everyone else.
I dont even know what else to say. I can barely see, my heart is crying out, and the tears are falling. And i dont even know why. Maybe im tired of acting like im strong. because im not. I love you, and yes i need you. I just hope you need me too.